whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
