we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
