the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
