Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
