she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
