that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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