R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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