I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
