i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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