He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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