She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
