I like to think it a success when the cops are called
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
