Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
