party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
