He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
