I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
