ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
