it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
