we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
