That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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