We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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