U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
