there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
