I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
