ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm just crazy horny about you
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
