WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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