Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
