My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
