i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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