The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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