My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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