You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
