Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Lo siento on account of my penis...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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