its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
