evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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