Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
