I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So much rum. So many feels.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
