Cold hands, warm shart.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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