you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
