i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
