Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
