Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
