2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
