i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
