Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
