Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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