There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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