Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
