talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
