you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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