she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
