So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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