i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
