Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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